Why It's Okay Friendships Are Seasonal
Sometimes friendships are seasonal. That's right, I said it. They some come and go, some have their purpose, and some are merely for that certain period of time. While these friendships are seasonal and don't last forever, there are times where perhaps those friendships don't last into perpetuity. To illustrate this point, I compare friendships to flowers found in a garden. You have your annuals that make it through one year and remain vibrant throughout. Then you have your perennials that flower every year without fail and with proper care can be robust and grow marvelously. Here are some reasons why friends may be seasonal.
They Change and Become Foreign to You Too Quickly
Change is good. Within the context of friendships, change is also good so long as it is constructive. However, if you've only known your friend for a short period of time and they all of sudden change and start acting differently towards you without rhyme or reason (whether known or unknown), that is a red flag. This is the first inkling that this friendship is on the way out and they feel that your purpose as a friend has been fulfilled. At that moment you become more a "close associate" rather than a friend.
The Circumstances Around Your Friendship Render it Moot
There are times where people make friends with utility in mind because of the circumstances that they may be in. Whatever the circumstance is however, it resolves itself and the foundation that the friendship was built on wilts away. There are times where the friendship may remain intact, but it is very easy for it end up in a wintry condition. Eventually the meet-ups cease, texts become curt and short, calls become shorter, then they become less frequent, then they stop altogether.
Changes in Lifestyle Creates Incompatibility
Sometimes people's working schedules and beliefs sometimes throw a wrench into the machinery that friendship churns. Most times, this one is unavoidable. Changing trajectories in career paths and geographic placement can cause this one to happen. Without much effort, the friendship can erode into nothingness. This particular one is interesting because I experienced this one when I arrived to law school. There were several people I was friends with at one point or another I could not associate with because of where I wanted to go in my career. What they were into was something I didn't want to tarnish my professional career (especially since I'm having a rocky start).
Other Friendships in a Group Fail Rendering the Current One Moot
This may seem petty but it happens. When you are in a situation where there are friends in a group and the group falls apart, you see no reason to associate with anyone else in the group anymore. It can be for a myriad of reasons. Generally though, the dissolution of individual friendships from the people in the group occur out of want to move on from something that is dysfunctional.
Negative Actions or Violations
This is also quite common. Most people know that their friends are up to no good and do things or say things that are hurtful. For the most feeble, they defend their friend until a point where the actions of the person become insufferable, are inexcusable, or when that same friend begins to make jabs at them and point out their deficiencies. It can also happen because the friend decided in their infinite wisdom decided to sleep with the other friend's significant other at the time they were dating (for some people, it doesn't even matter if it happened after the fact... the other person is completely off limits forever.)
They Feel You're Inadequate (Or You Feel They're Inadequate)
This falls in line with the last one but this one is more distinct. Some friends believe that because you cannot "keep up" or "look the part" they want you to look like you're no longer worthy to be their friend and they have outgrown your usefulness and aesthetic appeal. In essence because they feel like you're inadequate, they'll discard you by taking negative actions or will flat out ignore you. Keep in mind that this could also operate in the inverse you can think that you have outgrown the person who they have become for less than a legitimate purpose.
This is by far the most painful form of separation in a friendship because it targets the person's integrity as being not enough and may impact the self esteem of the person being "let go."
With this in mind, it is okay to say that the friendship has run its course. To try to keep it on life-support is not healthy. The continuation of friendships (or trying to maintain it) stymies each successive person's growth. In essence, if they feel like you're not enough as you are and they are distancing themselves from you then don't worry about it. They had their season. If your lifestyle has changed and you are no longer able to hang with that person anymore because thy are involved in some kind of unsavory activity, then just make it known that there is some incompatibility. If you can't make it worth after that incompatibility is there, the world is not going to end.
Overall, friendship is a two way street. If it is not working anymore and there is no real resolution- there is no point attempting to hang on. If the person doesn't want to be your friend anymore, then screw them. In reality, you only need a few good friends rather than a plethora of them to by in life. In addition, it also has to go along with putting things in their proper perspective: Not everyone is going to be your friend and some are better at being associates. Additionally, not every friendship is going to result in a long lasting friendship... accept that perhaps every time you shake hands or exchange names you may not become "BFFs".
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