"Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but just because you have one doesn't make it good or reasonable." - Unknown
Destruction Myths of Black Men
A Response to "Stopping The Emasculation Of African American Men"
It is scary to believe that we live in a world that men cannot give each other their due diligence. We understand that men should be men, and that we have an obligation to be well..."manly". We get it. But the problem is that most of the rhetoric that is thrown around by men speaking about the feminization of black men or the destruction of black men is way out-there. So I'm going break down how some of the most forwarded arguments by my brethren. It's time to estop some of the rhetoric and hyperbole being thrown out there and using fear tactics to talk about how the "feminization of the black male will be our extinction."
Mama Joyce said it best...
Homosexuality has destroyed Black Men.
I'll address this first. Primarily because it's the most complicated issue currently talked about by black men. On it's face, this claim is erroneous but I don't want to leave it right there and not explain how because I'll be doing myself and the rest of the black community a disservice. One of the biggest problems that many black men who are part of the community who have a problem with is the idea that homosexuality has destroyed the black man and made them more effeminate.
Let's just say it doesn't make sense. It's like saying the chicken has come before the egg. Homosexual black men are not an oddity; they've always been around. An article written by Sylvia Tamale (Homosexuality is not un-African) highlighted the idea that the concept of Homosexuality was something that was inherent and was not a product of us being enslaved in the United States. A little further research can show that even in Ancient Egypt, homosexuality was not an anomaly and some of their history included narratives to the effect of such. (Richard Parkinson: Homosexual Desire and Middle Kingdom Literature. In: The Journal of Egyptian Archaeology (JEA), vol. 81, 1995, pp. 57–76.) Even further, if you move into the more contemporary narratives of homosexuality in Africa before any European colonial presence had shown up,
The change came to occur when Christianity from Europe was made the religion of many people in Central and Southern Africa. During the Middle Passage, these re-enforcements of Christianity by force or threat of death (for which many did die) is a precursor to some of the ideas where homosexuality is looked at as the reason why the black man has been destroyed. Morally, the implications of homosexuality was greater than anything else because these men were seen as less than.
Ironically, the same Bible that was used to justify the enslavement of African and Native American men and women is also looked at as a guide to how a man must operate in a world. From this, they get this rule that masculinity, asserting dominance over women, and the ability to spread their seed for the sake of procreation comes about. While the Bible is beautiful, and I myself read it and take heed to it's testaments, realize that humans have a tendency to emphasize the words that justify their own morals, wants, and agendas.
Now fast-forward to the more modern era, the issue stems from the "failure to be real men, capable of producing children, and acting masculine, and assuming their role in society as such." The quoted language has it's own set of issues that I'll leave alone, but altogether the net result is that most men who have this belief think that Black men cannot be gay, it is not allowable because we must procreate, and if you fail to do it, then you are failure in your kind. Likewise, the failure to adhere to gender standards and be and assert dominant behavior also is looked as you selling your manhood to the likings to "the powers that be" or "white men that take pleasure in your demise." This is exasperating, why? Because, it relies on an other-ing approach that leave many men on the Down-Low and afraid to live in their truths and they drag their families and girlfriends into a world of uncertainty with the many men they've had sex with while trying to sire children to complete a lie.
For myself, I am not a masculine man. Yes, I have spoken to men and have engaged with them. But it does not destroy me or damage me in any way. At the end of the day, I still plan to have children and raise a marvelous family. I also plan to do work to help improve the lives of others be it Black, White, Native American, Asian, Indigo, Alien you name it. For trying to blame homosexuality for the feminization of Black men is simply crazy. I don't ( and I don't think anyone I know...) wakes up and tries to convert straight black men to gay - it doesn't happen. Even if it does, the man has already had a wandering eye and the most straight of men would not even entertain it.
In short, homosexuality has not destroyed black men. Sorry... the argument does not work.
The Lack of Black Fathers in the Home has destroyed Black Men
I am in partial agreement to this. But not for the reason stated in the article I am loosely responding to. The reason that is stated in the article I am responding to basically says that black men are destroyed because there are no black fathers present to correct homosexual behavior in boys and make them act like men and act in accordance with the status quo. The author also makes an argument stating that this lack of a black father leaves room for the boy to get confused and grow up as a man who is either sexually confused and misguided, or is unable to act accordingly to build the community.
I already stated my feelings about the homosexuality argument, read the above section. But I am in partial agreement with the conclusion because the author makes a point, the lack of Black fathers in the home leaves a gap that many mothers cannot fill or how the young boy growing up into a man can't figure out on his own. For instance, I was growing up my Dad was great because he taught me two main things: "be excellent in everything that I am doing" and "say and do things with conviction, even if you might possibly be wrong." To this day I carry those two main things (among others) in my everyday life. Many Black boys do not have this.
Many of these boys are not being taught the importance of responsibility, honesty, hard work, and being able to respect the community and women that cohabit the community they share. But let's keep something in mind, the idea that women must be dominated and that they must be subservient is an idea that doesn't work. As a matter of fact, it sounds rather similar to master-slave relationship and that is inherently not alright. Boys need to be taught to love and respect women and know that they matter. They need a Black man to teach them how to properly court someone and treat them with respect. That's what's important.
There are somethings that mother cannot teach, and that's true. But at the same time, we need Black men the RIGHT things. The things that can help unite a community rather than divide it with misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and any other -ism or -ia that can cause issues for a community fragmented by 400+ years of brainwashing and institutional malfeasance.
Feminization is going to Destroy Black Men
The article says that television shows and media depicting men in women's clothing and acting brazenly effeminate are destroying Black men because it depicts us incorrectly. Okay, fair statement. But remember, same thing with the media depicting us as thugs that smoke weed, have sex uninhibited with numerous people, not having jobs or a proficient education, it depicts us incorrectly. Also, this hyper-masculinized image shown in music videos that breeds a culture of misogyny is also not an accurate portrayal either. The media is at a point where they are willing to do anything to get ratings so they are going to go find anyone willing to receive a check to act up on the television. Then we allow people in our communities to go on TV and represent us without much comment aside from "Girl, did you see what happened on _______ on __day!"
Yeah.... Exactly. I'm not saying we are wholly to blame ourselves, but we have to lobby for the media portray us properly. That's the only way. Now with men wearing dresses and women's clothing, that's something else.
For me, I don't engage in that behavior and I am not entirely used to it myself. But I respect everyone for their differences and I also know that it takes a lot of guts for a man to put heels on and walk out in a dress and make up and have to deal with the world. But once again, we are walking around acting like this is new to us when history shows that for people coming from the African Diaspora
are a product of this. In Ancient Egypt, Queen Hatshepsut ruled Egypt as a man. She wore the beard and the other male adornments and ruled as such. Even in theatre (even though this is in Europe) the likings of Tyler Perry was common because men dressed up and sang as women because women were barred from performing in many public spaces.
I half-understand the argument being made, but the idea of the "men in dresses lose their manhood" should not be a concern over "my brothers and sisters are not depicts as being successful, but as hoes and wannabe rappers." If you want to focus on building up black men, we need shows that show successful Black men, working, doing community service, and living everyday life rather than Love and Hip Hop.
The Reality: What Really Is Destroying Black Men
Instead of focusing on some of these things, we need to look at what really is destroying Black men in this country. The first and foremost thing is the education system. We live in a country where a majority of African American live in areas were there are substandard education systems where they are without resources and teachers that care about their well-being or education. This is especially true in many major cities like my native Philadelphia. Study after study has shown literacy at the high school level can determine high school completion rates, and crime. It is no accident that in many major cities many Black and Latino men who are involved with crime and get arrested tend to be in the 15-24 age group. It's because of the fact that the system has failed them.
To live as a black male is a conundrum. Especially in a system where you lose your innocence the day you begin grade school and are more likely than any other group to get suspended from school. It is even more of a problem when people do not encourage education and literacy. It is even more discouraging when people who sit around you fail to see you're trying to do well in the world and be someone but they dismiss it as a pipe-dream. What is destroying black men in this case is the lack of support from one another when the system has failed.
Living in a system where we do not seek unity, but look at men that do not adhere to the status quo to the help build a stronger community is the problem. It should not matter that I am gay, muslim, short, fat, bald, skinny, agnostic, asexual... etc. It should not matter. We are subject to the same common hardships: intergeneration poverty, a failed system of education, and an inability unite. In this case the what is destroying black men is the inability to unite as a front to accomplish a common goal while respecting one another.
Love and Hip Hop is nice. The Margielas are nice. The Jordans is sweet, and
that's a nice BMW you're pushing. But at the end of the day, what can you say that you've done to constructively help one of your own. When you ask someone "What have you done for the younger men that come after you?" and they fail to answer, that's not good. It's also not good to answer "Well I made my paper, and you got to make that paper over everything." Here, it's the inability to focus on what is important to strengthening ourselves economically and socially within our community that is destroying Black men.
It is my hope that someone reads this and spreads the dialogue so we can start talking about the real issues that plague all Black men, not just ones who are cis-gendered and heterosexual.
I close with this, a comparison of our community: The African American community is the car, the culture is the fuel and everyone in the community, representing certain aspects of it represents a cylinder in the engine. When all your cylinders aren't there, the car fails to run. If they are not working together, then the car isn't efficient. But when all the cylinders work right and together, great progress can be made on the road to social improvement for everyone.
