Don't Be Like Me: A Gift from Mistakes Lived

Don't Be Like Me

 A Gift from Mistakes Lived

"Listen, don't be like me...." That is the normal way how I frame most of the advice I give nowadays. 

Some look at me when I say it and say "why are you so self-deprecating?" However, I am not. I am providing advice in a way that is saying: "I've done it this way, and I am a living example of the results... do not do it." In telling others "don't be like me," it frames the reality of a world where people's experiences will vary wildly even in the same place. 

To provide context, I started to say "Don't be like me" when I started to give advice to my younger colleagues in law school. During the start of my last academic year, I began to be very open and transparent about my situation and also the reasons why I am in that situation. What was the situation you may ask? I had (and still do have) a low GPA, job prospects looked extremely frigid, and it was the first inkling where I started to look at the prospect of returning home to Philadelphia following law school. 

When 1L students talk to me about their nervousness, anxieties, and fears, I always shoot back with "Don't be like me." Most times I get "what do you mean? You're a 3L, you're nearly done. You couldn't possibly be that bad off." 

I respond in true transparent fashion explaining several things. 

First, I usually tell 1L students not to be like me because I do not want them to be fearful and doubtful. When I first entered law school, I was fearful of failing and doubtful that I had the intellect to make it. That lack of confidence set me up for a world of trouble. I do not want them to become broken people merely trying to seek accolades for a confidence boost. I want them to enjoy the experience in any way they can. 

Next, I say "don't be like me" when 1L students say that they are not taking care of themselves and stressing themselves out beyond what is physically and psychologically healthy. The reason: because I am dealing currently with the net results of pushing myself beyond the bounds of what is necessary and reasonable. The results have left me with health issues of both the mental and physical variety, some of which will take upwards of a year to resolve fully. I do not want students to foster an attitude that self-care if not important and that taking a day or a couple hours is sometimes better than popping an Adderall to "work through it and burn the midnight oil."  

Lastly, I caution the 1L students shouldn't "be like me"  because I walked in only appreciating one model of success. Currently, that model of success that I once held is now next to unattainable. So I tell them to be flexible and not to be disappointed when the six-figure job does not provide them an offer upon first blush. One thing about youth is that it is fleeting, but the second thing is that with it there are so many things you can do. In being "younger," you are allowed to get away with asking certain questions and making certain mistakes. In doing so, having extra potential paths of success are always encouraged and should be nurtured. Crushing dreams does not help focus someone, it merely damages their dignity and confidence in ways that one cannot describe. 

To say the least, I struggle to keep honest with those around me. However, I do not want the same state of affairs to befall anyone else that comes after me. While I may not be any material help in terms of helping underclassmen get good grades, or be of any help with certain professors, I seek to be helpful in allowing them to know not to fall into some of the pitfalls I've become victim to. These pitfalls that I am warning them about are bigger than any GPA or accolade, it is about helping them retain a sense of humanity and dignity in a time where just the sheer difficulty of it can strip those things away. 

While it is true that we learn from our successes, we also learn ample from our failures. In learning from our failures, it is important to impart those lessons to those who are next in line to prevent them from making the same fatal mistakes.  I may not be the valedictorian, order of the coif, or a MENSA member. However, I do know that I have learned a lot merely by having made a plethora of mistakes and am currently paying the cost of fixing them.

So if I say "don't be like me." I am not self-deprecating; I am trying to gift you a lesson, without you having to go through the pain to get it. 

(c) ifw - 2017

Truths as the Grand Finale Approaches

Truths as the Grand Finale Approaches

Today, I registered for my final semester of law school classes. It was a moment of bittersweetness. However, in that bittersweetness, the sweetness outweighed the bitter. I realized that I was ending a journey that has managed to change me to my core. The end of the destructive force I had to face was coming to an end. 

As you read this, this is a moment where I am going to be transparent. I do not seek pity. I do not want to enter the oppression Olympics. However, I do want to share my state of mind and reach others that feel like they are in a similar place. It may appear like I am "bitching" or "complaining" - however, I am not. What I am doing is providing a testimony and a warning for others out there to avoid being in my situation. It may not be the prettiest story, but it is mine. 

Recognizing the Truth

When I moved to Atlanta and started to attend Emory in the fall of 2015, I was fresh out of undergrad. In my freshness, I felt like I could take on the world. Vexingly, over the course of the last two and a half years, I have become a shell of what was. The only quality I maintain is my ability to be raw and honest about my problems and opinions. As the grand finale approaches, I realize that the realities of the world edge closer. In those realities edging closer, I realize that I am ill-prepared.

Law school was sold to me as a game of discipline. If you discipline yourself, if you work hard, if you take the Adderall - you'll excel. After 5 semesters of trying my hardest, putting in 200%, and losing it all in the process - I realized that the idea of this being a game of mere discipline was a beautiful lie. Law school is not a place where a discipline-only approach wins the day. In addition to discipline, it is about politics, your willingness to bear your soul with reckless abandon, and luck. As hard of a pill as it is to swallow, I've forged onwards in this journey with the wrong approach only to find myself worse off than how I started. Worse yet, in my 3L year, I still do not know how to master the game to secure a successful ending.

While I started with merely a bachelors of arts and limited job experience, my outlook on life and confidence were at an all-time high. I was optimistic that my life was going to amount to something greater than a piece of paper – that I could meet mostly all challenges as Christ was my guide. But with the wearing winds of the legal institution, I have been left skeletal. 

The Change in Morale

Most of my friends who are in law school with me have probably noticed the slide in my confidence and demeanor over the last year and some change. The reason is that I am realizing how much I lost. I lost financial security in the sense that I've acquired a mountain of debt in a high-risk job market. I have lost my mental health because I have become chronically ridden with anxiety. I have lost my physical health because I have become corpulent, hypertensive, and subject to constant gastro-intestinal upset. I am unable to sleep well. I lost the intellectual confidence that has been the cornerstone of the excellence that propelled me onto this stage. Worst of all, I've lost hope and faith. 

It is a sad state of affairs and as of now, there is nothing left for me to do except to finish this self-imposed mission. Even as I take the final steps in the journey, there is so much uncertainty. On the eve of character and fitness being due, I'm missing vital things to help me make decisions on where I want to practice. Even worse, I am fresh off of losing a six-figure job offer because my skills were deemed subpar. I have yet to rebound, and it is not for lack of trying. 

As of now, I withhold my tears. Why you may ask? I walked the plank with my eyes somewhat wide open. I knew that law school was going to be hard. I knew that getting a job in the legal profession was going to be difficult as well. What came as a shock was how much destruction came from this process. It was even more shocking how even after following "the keys to success" and "taking tried and true advice," I ended up in such dire straits. It also was shocking how certain crude advice (such as dropping out because my grades were too low) actually made sense at many different points. 

Well, What Now? - Some Solutions

Well after looking this, one would probably be wondering "well... what now?" I thought I had an answer for this several times. But alas, like the well of confidence, the well of answers has run dry. I have made many plans in my tender years. However, for some reason, plans regarding law school fail in a spectacular fashion. So, I have decided that I am going to stop planning and setting goals and let things happen. There is no floor to hold things up, and no walls to hold things in regarding what can happen regarding employment or academic prospects. 

Academic Approach

My grades will just "be." They will exist on my transcript as an indicator of how well I survived in a system where I have prior failed many times before. Gone are the days where perfection was attainable, and excellence was a norm. Now I have to accept that my new norm looks different. It's lamentable, but in order to regather myself, there is a good chance that my transcript may have already seen its last A. 

Personal Approach

At this point, I have to refocus on regaining everything I lost. 

I'm not talking about vanity either. I am talking about a basic sense of self that has been stripped from the moment I sat down and forced archaic jurisprudence down my throat. I have to regain that sense of personality that was beaten out of me when I was told that my prose had no place in a piece of legal writing and that my florid use of language was indicative of "legal illiteracy." In regaining things lost, it means performing some profound self-reflection and work.

It means going through the rough journey rebuilding confidence from the basement level. Never in my year of education was I told that I was inarticulate or that my analysis was incorrect on such a consistent basis. It was also rare that my work was deemed deficient. It also means rebuilding confidence to speak. Since my early childhood, many have stated that I was gifted with a natural public speaking ability. Law school has made me feel like I am the village idiot in cold-calls and during class discussions because of the ogling and stares I receive while sharing my extraction of the case. 

It means that I now must re-establish my identity as a person. The law school environment breeds a spirit of conventionalism that sterilizes almost every aspect of a person. Away from the casebooks, the business cards, the charcoal grey suits, and a persona centered around finely crafted business introductions, I should be able to answer simple questions about myself. As it stands now I can't. In re-establishing my identity I can discover my interests and answer honestly and unapologetically about them. 

It means regaining myself as a commodity. I need to learn how to make myself a primary investment both time and resource wise. I should not be giving out whatever bits of talents I have left to those that do not appreciate them or will denigrate them at any opportunity. It also means saying "No."  with a readiness unimagined by the modern person who is desperate for a job. I have learned that in saying "Yes," I have not ended up in any better a position that has said "No." As a matter of fact, it's been the opposite. People that availed themselves of the word "No." have had an easier time with finding their happiness, finding employment, retaining their confidence, and being focused on the game that is law school and the entry to legal practice.

Conclusion

In the end, I write this to all of those out there who are starting the journey in law school or legal practice. I have failed immensely and am finally aware of it in the 11th hour. The only thing I can do is hope that I land on my feet and in one cognizable piece. For 1st year, 2nd year, or pre-law students you have time on your side to craft your own happy ending. You also have time to escape the traps that the institution will have you fall into. Drinking at every bar review is not going to solve your core problems. Concerta or Adderall will not save you from this feeling.

I say these things in short:

Remain truthful.

Do not let your confidence slip into nothingness.

Do not lose yourself or your soul in the process.

You are your most important commodity - so respect yourself as such. 

Say no when necessary. 

Remember that the calculus is not as simple as it seems.

(c) ifw

2017

Why You Should Look Out for Your Interests

"You have to be your own best friend, advocate, and manager because others will merely run you without consideration... Do yourself a favor, and be selfish."

Why You Should Look Out for Your Own Interests

Purposeful Selfishness Is Important

If someone were to ever ask why you should always look out for your own interests the answer would be simple: because in the end all you have is a duty to yourself. However, that does not create enough material to constitute a complete blog post. 

So, I'm going to give three reasons why it is important to look out for your own interests. 

1. People Create Expectations Based on Your Generosity (Some of Which Are Unreasonable)

I'll preface this concisely: There is nothing wrong with being generous. However, there are times when being generous makes you a target. Generosity is a trait that is in short supply. Even in being in short supply, many people take advantage of generosity in a way where either a generous person gets sick of giving or they become selective in who they give to. 

From personal experience, there have been many times where I keep giving and giving. At some point, my giving to other people created the expectation that I was always going to be generous. When I ceased to be as generous or conditions changed in a way where I couldn't be generous, others would get upset. In essence, my generosity created spoilage. Now that I recognize the spoilage, I choose not to entertain certain responses when I flatly say "no" to helping or assisting in some way. 

More striking is when people know that you have nothing to offer or your stock of resources (tangible or intangible) is low, but still have an expectation that you must assist. It is one thing to ask for my assistance, rather than anticipate that I am going to render it as a matter of course all the time. When people assume that there is a duty where there is none, that's when lines must be drawn. 

The solution to this problem is stop being as generous and stop taking on things as a matter of a duty. In the law, the concept of duty only attached when one consents to it either actively or passively. When you say you're going to do it actively, then you have actively accepted the duty. By rendering without even saying something in the negative, you have passively accepted the duty. Even placing yourself in situations where you have certain responsibilities to render aid, it is passively assenting to perform based on a duty. In saying all the former, you have no duty to assist anyone.

When you act without a duty to assist anyone, you don't need to be generous. When you are not generous to people all the time as a matter of habit, there is no expectation that can reasonably arise to render assistance or aid someone. 

2. People Are Ungrateful Towards Your Efforts

It is a fact of life that we are going to get screw over by someone at some point.  It's also a fact of life that there are going to be other who complain about how you have performed a task for them. Both are blatant demonstrations of how someone has failed to take consideration in your efforts of providing assistance.

This point is important because it is aligned with the first point. People not only have expectations of whether the assistance is going to be rendered; they have expectations about the way how the assistance is rendered. Hence, beggars end up being choosers. The simple fact of the matter is, no matter how much or in what way you provide continual assistance to others in a kind of there are some friends or associates that will complain. 

There are even some people that may not complain, but will attempt to undercut you by falsely taking credit for saving themselves. These people are de facto ungrateful. Undercutting someone's charitable efforts is a demonstration of how contributions are "not good enough" to serve the aims of what someone wants. The screw-over is when people claim that you've done nothing for them, you have. What the reality is: they've taken all your work and best efforts and then try to pass them off as their own. 

At this point, the solution to the problem is once again either not rendering aid as a duty or only rendering aid in a way that makes it undercut-proof. Undercut-proof assistance is essentially providing the tools for someone to help themselves but not performing the favor in a way that leaves you on the hook. 

3. You End Up Burning Out

While this appears as a symptom of assisting other people for long periods of time. Burning out is common in contemporary society where people are tasked to wear many hats at one time. However, for the generous empath, the risk is higher for burnout. When you feel like there is a duty to assist people all the time, at that moment you have set yourself up to be drained and to be used. 

There is a saying that uses the expression of "pouring into someone." This metaphor is accurate because when you render assistance and look out for the interests of others you are "pouring yourself into someone else." However there comes a point where the well, reservoir, or glass runs dry from having to pour into others without reciprocation or recharge. The drain of resources such as time, energy, morale, and even money leaves a person feeling like they cannot offer anything else. 

Here, the scarcity of resources creates a situation where someone is unable to provide assistance. The inability to assist is not because of willful want to not help; the inability to assist comes from there being no resources to assist with. Currently, the attitude I have adopted is "if I'm no good to myself, how am I good to anyone else." The rhetorical question (note the period rather than the question mark at the end) demonstrates a point. How can you pour into someone else if there is nothing left in the glass? 

I've learned that despite best efforts, you cannot pour into someone else if you have nothing left. It's the rule of exhaustion. Once something is gone from a space, it is gone from the space. Hence, the solution to this problem is that when you have nothing left to give, stop giving. If you feel the need to continue assisting or helping others, recharge yourself. However, even when you recharge yourself, make sure that you budget yourself and resources more efficiently. 

Budgeting yourself and your resources more efficiently means not overextending yourself. Being more efficient for yourself means saying "No." It also means that some people are going to be upset with you because you are not readily available all the time. However, it's okay. If people get upset because you say "No," they do not care about you or your well-being. 

In Conclusion

If people get upset because you withdraw from providing full assistance all the time or because you say "no," it's because they do not care about you. Further, people feel as though you should be a machine because you've created an expectation. Rather than continuing to spoil others, spoil yourself with the ability to recharge and re-invigorate yourself. 

When you look out for yourself, you'll be both better to others and better to yourself. In the end, it is a net win for everyone. 

ifw (c) 2017

Why Walking Away From Past Hurt Isn't Easy

"Let go, or be dragged." - Unknown

Why Walking Away From Past Hurt Isn't Easy

Life is Too Short

Everyone has a collection of memories that are beautiful, grand, and enough to make someone smile happily as the years pass by. However there are some memories and things that are in our past that continue to haunt us. Some things that have happened to us that change how we live our lives. There are also some memories that manage to keep us cordoned off from curiosities or leave us in tears in the depth of night. Past hurt is something that most people learn from. However in learning, some people also mentally reconfigure their way of living to prevent from having that pain happen again or having to relive the moment of insecurity. 

I was speaking with one of my fraternity brothers about this when we were heading back from a night out. One thing he mentioned as I talked certain aspects of my life was that he felt like I needed "to let go of the past." As soon as he made mention of that, I felt a sinking feeling. The sinking feeling comes from the fact that I have been trying to shake off the past for years now. Even in my tender 24 years of living, there have been some experiences in my last 6 years of adulthood that have shaken me to my core. 

To focus on a particular area, my love and romantic life has been (for lack of a better word) a calamity. My love life has managed to completely reshape the way I view myself and also limit the way I go about dealing with others. For instance, I no longer approach interests anymore. Why? It's because of the overwhelmingly bad (albeit rude) responses I've had. What were the responses. I've had everything from the semi-rude "Oh, nice to meet you... who's your friend over there?" to "I don't do fats or fems."  From those experiences, I usually operate presuming that most guys aren't interested now. Effectively, I've stopped dating. 

Other areas also come from the times where I have tried to be helpful and assist others. I am naturally kind and charitable. However I've had people take clear advantage of me and then figuratively throw me off of a cliff to save myself. Over the times that this has happened, I've become a lot less generous and more willing to not act. A good share of the time, I now act with the thought that I have no duty to anyone else except God, my family, and I. 

These examples illustrate an important point about why walking away from past hurt is not easy. It illustrates that the past hurt is not merely a memory but creates a psychological response that alters how we move about the world. It's like when your parents told you to not touch the stove because you may get it burned. However you failed to listen, and you got burnt. From then on, you learned to avoid touching the stove until later learned to use it properly. 

Past hurt from experiences operates the same way. Rather than put themselves in harms way, people are more willing to avoid what caused them displeasure the previous time. Rather than hear the words of rejection because of how you look, you avoid dating and other activities. Rather than explore your wants and desired because you're afraid of judgment, you repress and hide them.

For myself, this is a struggle. More than a year and a half after promising myself to free myself of the internal bounds of my past experiences, I still feel chained to them. While it seems silly, it is past hurt and shame that causes me to not take off my shirt at the pool or the beach even on the hottest day in the summer. It is the past hurt and shame that causes me to act restricted even in the most free and open environments. It is even the past hurt that causes me even to not take a chance on finding that new guy and walking up to someone and introducing myself to them. The behaviors that have come out of being hurt from the past experiences are defense mechanisms... which ironically hurt the person using them more in the long run. 

However looking at it from the lens of my fraternity brother, he explains it best. He says: "Life is too short." He's correct,  limiting yourself based on the whims and judging eyes of others means nothing when life can end at any moment. While it does mean being smart about what you are doing in the moment, past hurt should merely be a learning lesson - not an impediment to continue living life in the full way it is meant to be lived. 

I wait for the days where I can feel secure enough to enjoy my body, my -isms, and my quirks the way I want to. Until then, I am going to keep chipping away at the walls that have grown thick from what has caused hurt or pause in the last half decade or so. For those of you who are hurt by the past, you best "let go, or be dragged." 

ifw (c) 2017

Being Worth The Investment

Social Investment and its Iterations

One of the things that many people struggle with in this day and age is self-worth. While people think it is a very simple concept, it is something that is quite complex. There is a reason why we see people on Maury and Jerry Springer seemingly desperate for attention, or see the man who is a womanizer or see women desperate to get the attention of men. The idea of self-worth drives a lot human behavior. However, we seldom talking about the idea of investment. In this discussion, I am not talking about the monetary investment. I am talking about social investment.

The definition of social investment is "is any investment activity which has an expectation of both a social outcome and a financial return, which would usually be below market rate." Essentially, that means that people are willing to "go to bat," vouch for, or support someone else because they see their potential to either generate financial or social capital for them. It is a reason why even if your credentials are subpar, you can still make your way into positions. This lies at the crux of the old saying "it's not what you know, it's who you know."

Looking at myself (both in the past and in the present), the amount of social investment I have has been limited mainly to family or those who are like family to me. Professionally, I have experienced a dearth of social investment. The reasons are unknown why that has been the case, but at the same time I accept it as a part of my own life (which means I have to work harder than some other similarly situated people - and there's nothing wrong with that at all). So I take a lot time trying to find innovative ways to socially invest in myself, even where others have not seen any inclination to do so. The saying that best fits is "you gotta love yourself, before anyone else can love you." The same is true regarding social investment. 

When I look at social investment, people tend to socially invest in people who have a trait that they either like or identify with. There is a reason why many mentors take mentees who have a similar story or have risen through similar circumstances throughout their lives. It is also a reason why certain professors in academia take certain students under their wing. The idea is " I have become successful because someone took the time to make the investment in me, so I should pay it forward and do the same for someone who I understand their struggle." That is normally how it goes as far as the realm as mentorship. Meaning if you have a good mentor, opportunities will be plentiful and it is up to the mentee to ultimately follow the heed of the mentor. It is a thing of beauty when someone manages to make their way through the merciless undergrowth into the stratosphere all because of great social investment and mentorship. 

However when does social investment rear its ugly head? I can take my example from my own life and looking at the environment that I went to college in. The institution I attended was a marvelous institution and was renowned for it's robust culture and academic engagement. However one of the things I noticed was that the idea of social investment was stretched in a way where it could leave people entirely in the cold. People would not converse with people or socialize with them based on the idea that they had "nothing" or "not much" to offer. Whether it be connections to a job, a leg up to join an organization, or even getting into the parties - if someone had no reason to socially invest in you, there was no point in communicating. Even if they did socially invest in you and you thought you had a genuine friendship, the friendship would end merely because they feel like the investment they had made ran it's course and they no longer had a use for you. 

Being in the broader world, I understand why that was a common attitude. It was common because of the idea of preventing social waste. "Waste" is defined as the "resources consumed by inefficient or non-essential activities." In a day and age where capital is King and social elevation is Queen, socializing with someone that doesn't foreseeably add anything to your life is a "non-essential or inefficient use" of social energy. Hence, if people don't see anything in you - even if you are the diamond in the rough - they'll be inclined to pass because they believe it is a waste of time, energy, and effort. This attitude also extends to certain behaviors that are quite common in some places.

For example, I have an associate (we've grown apart in the last few years because of this) who likes to go to the club. They're a fun person. However I began to notice after "leveling up" or getting around other people with clout and money they would no longer invite me to functions. After speaking with a mutual friend of ours, the truth had come out. The reason why I was no longer getting invited out was that I was not "cute enough" to impress their new posse. The fact that I was not able to traverse a mall and purchase Gucci or wear Maison Margiela made me unfit to be a friend anymore. Further, they felt that they were wasting their social investment on me and could place it in other people. Since then, me and them no longer go out anymore and I accept the relationship (and the drifting of it) for what it is. 

In the end, social investment is important and drives life in ways that can dramatically improve standards. There is nothing with social investment in itself. However, using it to define friendships and all relationships with others is problematic. The idea that every friendship needs to have a condition and benefit attached to it like a contract is a sign of social ineptitude. It discounts the idea of the human condition. If life truly operated like this, life long friendships would never happen and at best a single gaining of an award, degree, or accolade can rearrange all social connections in your life. The idea of social investment being at the only driving force in building relationships will leave you alone because you've used up everyone and leave you broke because you'll probably have to spend money trying to keep up with the Jones. 

Even if you're someone like me: where it's seldom that people socially invest in you, it's okay! Remember to pour into yourself. Social investment in yourself makes you just as strong as a plethora of people socially investing in someone else. If you're not complete, you may not be able to readily accept the investment of someone else to come along. So building confidence, self worth, fitness (of the mind, body, and spirit) are important ways to socially invest in yourself. You cannot go wrong doing it... and it surely is not a waste.

Kim Burrell is Merely A Messenger of a Problem

Kim Burrell is Merely a Messenger of a Problem

The Church Is Sick, and She's Prescribed a Common Pill

Why should we would be surprised about homophobic comments comments coming from the pulpit and those who have found their fame by being the voices of Gospel? Rants like those of Kim Burrell are not new. They've been performed for years. The only difference is that there is a camera to record it in live time now in comparison to the past. Kim Burrell made some homophobic comments and likened homosexuality to perversion. Other church leaders have supported her while stars and networks have condemned her. However there is something that is missed in this continual discussion about homosexuality and Christianity. We miss the concept of judgment as being sinful in Christianity and a manifestation of "worldliness" just as much as homosexuality is. 

Admittedly there is misnomer in Christianity. Many defend that all sins are equal. They aren't. Stealing of bread from the market does not equate to the violation of one of the ten commandments: taking the life of another human being. However, with preaching religious doctrine focused sermons on just one abominations while leaving others to interpretation is problematic. Even in the finest of textbooks with the best teachers it is pedagogically incorrect to talk about a phrase in isolation discounting the rest of the sentence. What I am exactly referring to is the faulty teaching of Levitical Law. In actuality, if pastors taught Levitical Law properly the congregation would find that a total of 75 things other than homosexuality that are also abominations. 

In light of this, why are we so surprised about Kim Burrell and many other pastors that proclaim that "we need to cast the demon of homosexuality out of these children?" There is no surprise -- this is a net result of improper pedagogy used my many pastors, clergy, and famed people who are members of Christianity. Rather than preaching love and acceptance of their Earthly brethren and sistren, they decide to cast a division to try to make them more favorable in the eyes of God and secure their own salvation. The Bible and other religious texts were used to spin an agenda and purpose to bolster power on one group. The legitimacy of such bolstering: the idea of divine right. 

This was done with Western/American Slavery. For instance with Ephesians 6:5 it stated that "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ." It legitimized slavery. Ephesians 6:5 was considered to opine that the master was given the authority by God to place them in bondage. In Ephesians 6:9 stating  "...masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him." This was commonly ignored. Then again in Colossians 3:22 it states that "slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord."  1 Peter 2:18 states something similar saying "slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh." These passages in totality were used to legitimize slavery and promote and agenda. When Slavery ended in 1865 in the United States it was considered by some to be an abomination against God and his will.

This is similar to how Leviticus is used. Leviticus 18:22 has been used by Christians ad nauseam in the last four decades as the main defense against decriminalization of homosexual behavior and equal marriage rights. For Black churches who preach on this, it's shocking because the reliance on this passage is so common that the other 75 things stated within Leviticus got ignored for the sake of bolstering that one particular "banned practice." Even while poverty, poor educational outcomes, and institutional infighting plague parishioners, destroy neighborhoods, and run endemic in many Black churches, homosexuality is seen as a danger that is more pressing to address. The problem is that the gay community (mainly the Black gay community) is facing push-back from the evangelical black community. Why? Because hurt people hurt people and because the oppressed oppress those less privileged. For black gay people you're kicked twice, once by a Euro-centric Society and twice by the churchgoing Black community that deems your existence an abomination. 

Kim Burrell is not the problem. She is merely a messenger of the ideology dominating (black) churches across the United States. Even as she delivers a sermon, it is unnerving to believe that in some churches across the country her even having a voice is considered an abomination. There are some people who even believe that the likings of her and Shirley Caesar are against the doctrines of Christianity and that God did not grant women the priesthood to stand in a pulpit. 

This oxymoron demonstrates the flaw: We throw scripture around to forward our aims, our pedagogy in providing the religious teaching is stilted and flawed, and the Church ignores plenty of problems for the sake of forwarding an agenda to "save souls." 

We ignore the pressing issues that weigh on the minds of our congregations and communities to fight homosexuality. We ignore that homosexuality is not a choice but partially hardwired into us upon birth in accordance to genetics and hormones. We forget that the people that compose the musical selections every Sunday or sing in the  choir may be subject to some of these judgments made by the church and may struggle day in day out with their sexuality. We fail to remember that God made no mistakes in crafting us in such effect. We fail to remember that God is love. We fail to remember that falsehoods and use of the Word to push an agenda is an abomination tantamount to homosexuality. We fail to realize that casting judgment is playing God because it violates Romans 2:1, Matthew 7:1, and Proverbs 21:2. Until we get out of the business as humans of pre-determining sin and who goes to hell, we cannot walk in a truly Godly fashion.

Likewise, until we start to take stock of some of our own transgressions, then judgment will be a pill we prescribe for other and fail to take ourselves. Kim Burrell prescribed a commonly prescribed pill of judgment. This is indicative that Christianity is sick. Not because of gay people, not because of homosexuality, not because of perversion, not because of sin. But because of failing to follow the baseline foundations that Christianity was built on: the idea of good will to the fellow children of God and not casting judgment where we lest not be judged.