Don't Be Like Me: A Gift from Mistakes Lived

Don't Be Like Me

 A Gift from Mistakes Lived

"Listen, don't be like me...." That is the normal way how I frame most of the advice I give nowadays. 

Some look at me when I say it and say "why are you so self-deprecating?" However, I am not. I am providing advice in a way that is saying: "I've done it this way, and I am a living example of the results... do not do it." In telling others "don't be like me," it frames the reality of a world where people's experiences will vary wildly even in the same place. 

To provide context, I started to say "Don't be like me" when I started to give advice to my younger colleagues in law school. During the start of my last academic year, I began to be very open and transparent about my situation and also the reasons why I am in that situation. What was the situation you may ask? I had (and still do have) a low GPA, job prospects looked extremely frigid, and it was the first inkling where I started to look at the prospect of returning home to Philadelphia following law school. 

When 1L students talk to me about their nervousness, anxieties, and fears, I always shoot back with "Don't be like me." Most times I get "what do you mean? You're a 3L, you're nearly done. You couldn't possibly be that bad off." 

I respond in true transparent fashion explaining several things. 

First, I usually tell 1L students not to be like me because I do not want them to be fearful and doubtful. When I first entered law school, I was fearful of failing and doubtful that I had the intellect to make it. That lack of confidence set me up for a world of trouble. I do not want them to become broken people merely trying to seek accolades for a confidence boost. I want them to enjoy the experience in any way they can. 

Next, I say "don't be like me" when 1L students say that they are not taking care of themselves and stressing themselves out beyond what is physically and psychologically healthy. The reason: because I am dealing currently with the net results of pushing myself beyond the bounds of what is necessary and reasonable. The results have left me with health issues of both the mental and physical variety, some of which will take upwards of a year to resolve fully. I do not want students to foster an attitude that self-care if not important and that taking a day or a couple hours is sometimes better than popping an Adderall to "work through it and burn the midnight oil."  

Lastly, I caution the 1L students shouldn't "be like me"  because I walked in only appreciating one model of success. Currently, that model of success that I once held is now next to unattainable. So I tell them to be flexible and not to be disappointed when the six-figure job does not provide them an offer upon first blush. One thing about youth is that it is fleeting, but the second thing is that with it there are so many things you can do. In being "younger," you are allowed to get away with asking certain questions and making certain mistakes. In doing so, having extra potential paths of success are always encouraged and should be nurtured. Crushing dreams does not help focus someone, it merely damages their dignity and confidence in ways that one cannot describe. 

To say the least, I struggle to keep honest with those around me. However, I do not want the same state of affairs to befall anyone else that comes after me. While I may not be any material help in terms of helping underclassmen get good grades, or be of any help with certain professors, I seek to be helpful in allowing them to know not to fall into some of the pitfalls I've become victim to. These pitfalls that I am warning them about are bigger than any GPA or accolade, it is about helping them retain a sense of humanity and dignity in a time where just the sheer difficulty of it can strip those things away. 

While it is true that we learn from our successes, we also learn ample from our failures. In learning from our failures, it is important to impart those lessons to those who are next in line to prevent them from making the same fatal mistakes.  I may not be the valedictorian, order of the coif, or a MENSA member. However, I do know that I have learned a lot merely by having made a plethora of mistakes and am currently paying the cost of fixing them.

So if I say "don't be like me." I am not self-deprecating; I am trying to gift you a lesson, without you having to go through the pain to get it. 

(c) ifw - 2017