Cranes In My Sky: Mental Awareness

“I tried to keep myself busy
I ran around in circle
Think I made myself dizzy
I slept it away, I sexed it away
I read it away
Away”

- Cranes in the Sky, Solange (2016). 

Cranes in My Sky

The Epiphany for Mental Health

Mental health. It is a term that elicits many responses. Some respond praising its recognition. Others see it as a ploy for weakness and feebleness. No matter what way it is received, there is a common denominator in all of the discussions – mental health exists.  While many people in today’s society live with increasing demands and are constantly bombarded with information, they are afflicted with conditions that the mind cannot readily sort. Chronic stress, anxiety, and desensitization permeate the landscape of mental health of people living in the 21st century. As technology has made our lives easier and tasks more efficient, humans are now tasked with working with machine-type pace and precision; always being on and ready to take on more. 

Moving away from the abstract and general, mental health is something that affects physical health. Speaking for myself, when my mental health starts to deteriorate, so does my physical health. One example is when I had to pay the emergency room a visit unexpectedly. Working tirelessly, stress, anxiety over completing 2 projects in one day caused me to have chest pains. It was later revealed that my blood pressure was 175/105. After a series of prior visits in which my blood pressure had come back high and recently having tension headaches, it was a wake-up call. I had to start addressing some of the serious issues affecting my mental health or at 24, or pay the ultimate price. 

The reason why it took me to long to seek help was repetitious reinforcements about how seeking help would make me appear feeble. In the legal profession, many attorneys shy away from talking about mental health as much as they do about substance abuse. In the Black community, seeking help is a sign of weakness and a failure to have a connection with  God. In essence, your mental health is tied to prayer and if you fail to pray, you end up with mental defects because you did not do your due diligence. In American society, talking about mental health is a recent phenomenon where people openly talk about it. In my early teen years (only a decade ago), it was still a relatively mum topic for discussion. These experiences and viewpoints created a cognitive dissonance, where I felt it was best to work through it, be strong, and ignore all of what was going on, with the hope that things would improve.

Prior to me starting law school, I did not have anxiety issues. And while things were stressful at times, chronic stress was unknown to me. During undergrad, there were times where things were “tight,” but I managed to make them work. Even when I was stressed out, I had a network of close friends that helped me channel my energies into hobbies, activities, or just plain discussions which would end in laughs. To some degree, there was balance and my mental state was reflective of that. 

Law school, however, caused a marked shift. Everything upon moving to Georgia, was stress -creating. School, by itself, was and still is, stressful. The career flubs and failures also took its toll. Paired with poor sleeping, eating, and self-care habits my body started to shut down... slowly but surely I landed in the hospital. Now, I am 76 days away from walking across the stage at graduation and I am in the process of addressing problems that have aggregated over the course of the last year. I am trying to take back my life and seize it. One of the ways I've decided to regain control over my life is by exercising control over my mental health. 

Taking control of your mental health is hard. It is seemingly hard as hell. Yet, it is doable. The first thing I did to gain control over my mental health was to start saying "No." Saying "No" (notice, I'm saying it with a capital 'N') is important because you can make your spaces exclusive; you can let people know that they cannot impose. Saying "No" also means that you can become the master of your own time and not accept the terms and conditions that others decide to impose on you. Saying "No." is mentally liberating; the epitome of taking control of yourself. 

The second thing I did to start taking control of mental health was seeking help. I know that in some circles seeking professional help is not popular. However, after I've witnessed people take their own lives, steep themselves into addiction, and lose themselves – I decided to not fall into the trap. I sought counseling, and since I have started, things have started to smooth out some. Had I decided to listen to the status quo and not seek help, I would have been mentally destroyed and beyond the point of repair. 

The third thing I started to do is take mental health days. Some people don't care that you need days where you are unplugged from society. Since people want to bombard you without care to your capacity and sensibilities, you need to either make the time or take the time to re-center. Find a weekend day where you do nothing. No phone calls, no reviewing emails, no projects – just relaxation with a good book and a warm bath. I've started to incorporate it into my weekly schedule where I have one day where no business is transacted. If someone has something to say about it: I treat it the same way they consider my mental health at the time - I reciprocate my lack of concern or care. The message I send is "apologies for the inconvenience, but business will continue at [insert set time]." Creating a hard limit like this may break friendships and associateships, yet it is necessary to safeguard my mind from over-exertion. 

The last thing I am doing to help my mental health and feeding myself affirmation. Two of my fraternity brothers here in Atlanta had a talk to me about trying to reframe my thinking. They told me to take up daily affirmations. The affirmations are written on my mirror, and I read them every morning when I walk into the bathroom to start getting ready for the day. Before I wash, before I dress, and before I cologne myself – I try to pour back into myself positivity that has long been overdue. 

Overall, your mental health should not be ignored. It should be treated the same way as anything else that is central to living. Mental heatlh is the gateway to physical wellness and balance. Without properly taking care of our mental health, we fall victim to silent killers which can destroy us faster than anything manmade. Ultimately, it is up to us to draw lines in the sand, say "No,"and take time for ourselves to truly re-center, and in turn, flourish.