Relationship Goals: Do Rather Than Say

"Just Do It" - Nike

"Relationship Goals: Do Rather Than Say"

 It's been something on my mind for quite a while, and I've been wanting to write this post for the longest without trying to sound like I'm bitter, but after reading some interesting insight about relationship goals, it's come time to speak my mind... Relationship Goals.

For almost a year I've seen people place relationship goals pictures up either on Instagram, Tumblr, or Facebook. While the pictures are face value are sweet (a vast majority of them are "Awww-worthy"), the accompanying caption that the picture comes with is one that typically is accompanied with some kind irony. I remember this one person posting this picture on IG about 7 months ago of these two guys in matching Jordans holding hands and walking down the street with matching jerseys. It was cute, but the caption that accompanied it was "I don't understand why I don't have this now :tearface-emoji?" As I sat back and thought about it, it hit me that relationships are like houses - you scout it out, you inquire, you walk through, you go through a process to get and retain the house and from there you either buy it or the offer falls through. If it falls through, then you incur no loss (unless you sunk some fees into it). However, when you sign for the mortgage and buy it, you've committed to it. 

Relationships operate similarly and many people fail to realize that the key word commitment is necessary in order to have it function well. What I've tended to notice is that a lot people that post these types of pictures with captions asking why they can't have that has the tendency to fall into either one or multiple of these categories which are

• They tend to be hopping around not trying to lock someone down or avoid being locked down
• They can't keep their legs closed 
• Being extremely exclusive to looks rather than other aspects of people and disappointed when their prettyboy/girl is an asshole,
• They simply don't have their stuff together enough for it. 
• They are simply saying what they want and lament not having it

Self-admittedly, I fall into the last category where my life isn't entirely together but I lament not having a dream Instagram relationship where me and my other half are either cute as hell or slaying. However let's break each one down, and explain why it is ridiculous to subscribe to this mentality.

• "Hopping Around"

You want a relationship... but no commitment. It's like saying you want a house and no mortgage. In the world we live in it's a rarity that both come in the same deal. How can you build a relationship when the person you're with either is not dedicated or wants to get to know you and wants to make you their focus. It's silly. For you to want to be successful as a couple is reasonable, but if you're a successful couple who cheats all the time then you're no better than the poor couple that cheats. That's it...

• "Getting Around"

Similar to the last one but to a more slight extreme. The bed is the place where the turn-up happens... or the laundry room... or the kitchen. Either-way, if every time you are busy having sex with someone and you've known them for all of 2 hours and barely know their last name and phone number then you can kind of answer your own question as to why you can't seem to accomplish your relationship goals. If you can't the answer is simple: you refuse to cool down and take time to build something with a foundation. 

• "Either he's 5'11 or taller, got a six-pack, and he got Maison Martin Margielas... or we don't talk" or "Either she's bad as hell, got a fat-ass, and she got Louboutins ... or we don't talk" 

This is one of the reasons why people can't even get  to relationships let alone be able to talk now. The shallow and simplistic world of "She/he has to adhere to this list or no dice..." And the generation of people aged 17 to 25 is one of the ones most keen on appearances, clothing, and prestige of material items. Sadly, what they fail to realize is that the permanence of looks and material possessions are so questionable that when people are in a relationship based on this wake and realize they are together they either realize they hate the person's personality or believe that they "so yesterday" and discard them like last season Guiseppe Zanotti.

•  Can't Get Their Life.

There is a saying that says "Why invite someone into my home when it isn't in order." This is what the issue is for a lot of people who want these types of glamorized relationships. While there is nothing wrong with dreaming, maybe it's just best to know that now isn't the right time. From a spiritual perspective: God is saying not right now. From a practical perspective: If you know you have to complete personal, financial, or academic goals first... a relationship might put a strain on it so why bother? Also I'm saying this to say "if you don't have your life together, you shouldn't be in a relationship." Rather, I am saying "You are your first priority above anyone else, so fix your house first.""

• Saying How They Feel

I identify with this. There are times when you look at what others have and your like "Damn, this is a beautiful pairing." or "Damn, this couple held each other down in school." or even "Damn, they got his/her | his/his | her/her [insert object here]. Why can't I have that?" This is more common for people who just haven't been in a relationship before or simply feeling like the person isn't out there who can bring this to be. Similar to the last one, there is a time for everything and now isn't our (I'm using pronoun this to include myself) time. In realizing that, we have to also know in the back in our minds that some of these pictures and Instagram couples don't always get along as the pictures suggest (as a matter of fact, I hear quite of few of them fight pretty badly... but couples bicker- it's part of the territory)

So this part is short... If you are about making a relationship goal a reality then you gotta do like Nike suggests:  "Just do it..."

Lamenting over something you don't have is not the solution to getting it and it just damages your self esteem. Regardless of your motivation to be in a relationship, it is between you, your potential other-half and whoever you pray to at night as to why you want to be together. Take the proper steps to make it happen, rather than just fucking - get the know the person. Okay, if the person is one inch shorter than you like - still try talking to them (you never know, big and small things can come in the most unexpected package sizes). At the end, you'll thank yourself for it because you'll have a more pleasant experience with yourself and the other person. You also won't be wasting your time even if it doesn't work out because you've learned a life lesson about reality and not to trust everything you see on a phone or computer screen.