Reflections: The First Year of Law School Pt. 1

The First Year: Pt. 1

Law School Realities in Its Infancy

If you would have spoken to me two years ago, the idea of law school was one that was definite only by will and not by anything concrete. I remember that I was just preparing for finals and getting the books that would help me prepare for the LSAT. I had also taken my first practice test for the LSAT and had gotten a score so discouraging low that later someone suggested that I "not waste my money, and get a Master's degree." 

Since then, I have kept that comment echoing in my ear and by beating great odds, fighting tears, and losses along the way I have not only made into the law school, but I made it through the long spoken about first year. While some people speak about merely the horrors about the first year, I've taken it upon my self to talk about my experience holistically and some of the concerns I had along the way. Hopefully this serves to inspire and educate others that will come after me and also give some guidance about things that people should ( and should not) do. 

I moved to ATL on July 31st 2015, and one of my dear friends from Howard, my sister, my mom and her husband helped me move into my apartment. After a 14 and a half hour drive from PA to GA, I made it there with everything in one piece. Additionally, some of the furniture that I had ordered arrived around the same time I got into the area which made the transition relatively smooth. Move in went off without any major hitches. My mom, her husband, and my sister left and flew back to Philadelphia. My friend stayed for a couple extra days and we had our fun in the city. Immediately after she left, I had my first challenge in my apartment - a break-in. It seemed like freakish luck that two days that I moved in, my door would get kicked down while I was up the street at a friend's apartment. I returned to police and a door frame snapped in half. Luckily nothing was taken from the apartment, but that first night I remember I slept with my door locked and barricaded and several steak knives in the drawer. Eventually, the door was fixed and life moved on.

School started in short order with an orientation that was interesting to say the least. Some of the students that I met during the preview weekend a few months ago where there at my right hand giving commentary to take the edge off the hours of guest speakers who were speaking about their experiences and what is expected as we walk into our legal careers. We were sworn in and as soon as that was done... the part of law school that every student dreads hit every normal first year law student like a ton of bricks. I remember the first days of reading assignments took about two and half hours to three hours to read each. I managed to burn about 2 highlighters in the first week of class alone. It was daunting and anxiety producing and there were nights that staying up until 2am was a reality. One of the first things that someone said was "It's the first week and we are already on a finals schedule." I saw no lie with the statement. 

Less than two weeks in and I got my first "cold call", another thing that someone dreads. It isn't like how they have it on How to Get Away With Murder, It may be worse. It may be something short like a two word answer or the professor may stick with you for almost 30 minutes grilling you on the facts, issue, the holding of the case, the reasoning of the case, the policy behind the reasoning, and even so much as your own opinions or the historical reasons about why the case was ruled a certain way. My first time wasn't that bad, but considering that I read that night for a total of 8 hours after classes were over in anticipation it was my hope that doing 'okay' was the worst I could do. The first few weeks, 90% of the 1L class was in a general state of "What the hell is going on?!" The first few weeks translated to a month and by that point some of the mystique of law school began to fade. However so much as the mystique was fading, the realities of school began to tug at me a bit. 

By the end of the semester, my confidence in school had waned pretty far from where it was when I had started. For several reasons: 

• I felt like after reading a couple hundred cases and several thousand pages of text (between text books and supplements), I felt like my reading comprehension and speed were still not up to par with the rest of my counterparts. This was a huge insecurity that still follows me to some degree. 
• The same writing that was once hailed as top quality work at every other level of education and caught the eye of professors was no longer top quality work and every worse, my work caught the eye of professors but for the wrong reasons. What used to be thoughtful and thorough was now wordy and unwieldy. Even worse, my analytical skills were not being translated to the paper well enough to warrant top marks. 
• When my grades were released from the first semester, my hopes for gainful employment evaporated. While it was well in my second semester that my grades were released, my grades provided the biggest disappointment. I did not do terribly... but I did not land in the top third of the class. My aim was to aim for the top third because most employers take preference for those kind of applicants especially this early on. 
• There were some people that articulated the "Top Third or Die" or "Big Law or Die Mentality" and as a result, I got pulled into that direction. So when grades dropped, I felt the largest sinking feeling I had in a while.

Some physical changes also occurred during my first semester too which weren't too great. 

• My hair started to fall out... and quickly. I usually tried to joke about it. So it would end up being the usual "State of the Edges" speech to my friends. Usually the status was. "They booked a flight to Timbuktu... It may be one way this time." The fall out was caused by stress.

• I gained 20 lbs. If you're used to being from a place where you walk (the North), welcome to a place where walking takes 45 minutes to go 2 miles but driving takes 3 minutes (the South). Plus, when you eat and sit for 10 to 15 hours a day at a time, the food has to go somewhere... it turns into fat. Some people were fortunate to actually lose weight during the course of law school though because of stress. I wasn't fortunate though. 

• I developed back problems. The books that you carry for school are so dense and heavy that if you have them in your luggage, TSA will pull the bag and investigate further. (They show up as a solid mass...) Not to mention each tome is about 500-1200 pages long and as a result they can weight anywhere from 4 to 7 lbs. Add on a laptop and multiple the number of books by 3 or 4 and you have recipe for scoliosis or uneven hips. Even now I am trying to rectify this. Sitting all the time also exacerbates the problem.

• My eyes twitch. Either from anxiety or from the fact that I stare at a screen trying to focus all day on what I am reading or focusing on. If I am not staring at a screen, I am usually transfixed on a book for hours at a time. Even though my vision has not started to deteriorate, I am going to probably need glasses to reduce the strain on my eyes. 

Now what I did learn after my first semester is:

• Writing in the legal field is formulaic. The more boring and patterned it is, the better for the reader. If the person can determine what they are looking for next, you'll get higher marks because at that point you've done the job.

• Fancy wording does not help you. The more eloquently you try to phrase things, the more you dig a grave to place yourself in it. More likely than not, your professor is going to either cut you down to size in a cold call, on a review of your written work, or on your final exam. Just be direct. 

• Everyone is not on even footing. The reality is there are some people who are geniuses and can read a case in 20 minutes and identify the holdings, the rationales for each one, figure out the reason why the judge ruled the way the did was because they wanted to go home early and what not. Other people are bred into this, coming from a long line of lawyers. Some have had prior careers as paralegals and already possess the skill sets to make easy work any class assignments. 

• You're your best gauge. I used to hate hearing this, but there is truth to it. You know yourself the best so you know when to take a break from reading, when to get focused, or when to seek help. I used to try to compare myself to everyone else, but you can't because not everyone is not on the equal footing. 

• You need to have an affirmation. My affirmation that I use is in Latin: "Excellentia et Prosperitatem a Deo", which means Excellence and Prosperity by God. I used to write this in the margin of my notes and I also have them printed on my old outlines to remind myself that I am in this mission for a reason. 

• Good support systems. My friends here at the law school and the Black Law Student's Association have been my backbone and have been there when I have struggled and been through some of my darkest hours. I can say that I would have not made it to the end with my friends and my organizations that I am involved in. 

• You need Faith (capitalized for a reason). Belief in something greater is important. There are many times I felt like I didn't have the strength to carry on. But God pulled me through and allowed me to grow and be better. Since then I was able to have a better handle on seemingly impossible situations when the second semester came. 

• Do your best. It sounds cliche, but people aiming for perfection end up depressed, they self medicate, and they don't perform optimally when the true test comes. I'd rather learn all I need to know and be learning as I go than be perfect from the start. If we were perfect, no one would need to acquire 200k worth of debt to attend law school (or even educational program for that matter.)

And while this is a long post. This is it for Pt. 1. 

Pt. 2 will address the Spring semester.