To Be Black, To Be a Man, To Be Gay - Part 2

...And in the final hours, moments, and blink of an eye

We are going to ask ourselves

Did we live

Or

Did we exist a lie?

- Ontology (2014)

To Be Black, To Be a Man, and to be Gay

A Pre-Requisite for Preference: Masculinity

Masculinity is an important part of the identity for any male. The ability to for a man to demonstrate the character and physical attributes of being a male determines the magnitude of what masculinity is. The voice, style of dress, actions, and also even occupation can play into how masculine is determined to be. Masculinity for women is important because it is tied to virility. From a evolutionary standpoint, virility helps to determine the child bearing potential of the man and also their ability to provide and protect the family of procreation. But aside from looking at it from a evolutionary standpoint, virility also gives the “man card” of the designation of manhood to a male.

When dealing with homosexuals and how they view other men, the adherence to gender roles becomes less of a concern. Even though there is still a level of hetero-normative thought that goes into gay men dealing with each other, masculinity is a prized possession for most men. To be masculine in an interaction with another man is important because you still maintain your manhood, even when society claims that you might have lost it. Even then, masculinity tends be a preferred trait for a few other reasons. Personal preference, culture of the individuals, and concerns over the discretion in the relationship drive many gay men to seek out masculine mates both in relations and relationships.

For Black gay men, the hyper-masculinization of our culture has caused a divide in how other gay black men seek one another. Many times, one can refer to hookup sites such as Adam4Adam, BGCLive, or Jack’d to look at the list of requirements to include a requirement that the suitor not “be fem” or “discreet and masculine”.  For black men, adherence to this norm typically indicates that you have to appear to be urban in some stance, and be devoid of anything that can make even a female question your orientation. In other words, if you speak, act, and dress like your standard Black guy from the neighborhood, you’ll be more accessible and mobile sexually and relationship wise.  

A good number of masculine guys tend to shy away from who do not fit into the standard of Black masculinity (who present as more Eurocentric, suburban, or effeminate). This is because they feel that for them to be associated with someone who does not fit into the standard would set them up for them to be further ostracized. At that moment, the masculine presenting Black male is faced with the choice to not engage at all or to engage negatively. Negative engagement with men who do not present under the standard of Black masculinity tends to include name-calling or public condemnation. In more extreme circumstances, even assault can occur.

Additionally, Black masculine men who are gay, tend to have this perceived superiority primarily because they still have their manhood or “man card” intact. Within the culture and within general society, they have been able to keep their identity as a man first making them appear more conforming to norms. For a masculine Black man whom is gay, if he walks into a job or a social setting he would be treated regularly without even mentioning his sexuality. However, someone who is either feminine presenting or middle presenting would be faced with a few social pitfalls and judgment of those sharing the same space.

However, one misconception is that many of these men are simply hiding for the sake of saving face. While it is not rare for men to hide their orientation behind masculine presentation, it is not the only determinant as to why they engage other men the way the do. Many masculine presenting men are just naturally that way… they’re attraction falls separate of their development of person. They may love sports, like exercise, like outdoors activities, and grabbing a few drinks in addition to guys. In that same breath, they might not have a certain idea about certain fashion trends, might hate shopping, and have an affinity for beer over wine. Some boys will still be boys. For Black gay guys, the same is true. There is no hiding for majority for these guys, they grew based on their environment and are unapologetic for it. In being unapologetic it also sheds light on the other side of the house.